The shortest horror story ever:
President Santorum.
(Source: -timeisrunningout)
Covet A Brainy Tune
(Source: sehikane)
View Larger Remember that time I opened my perfectly innocent zappo and saw a penis? #penis (Taken with instagram)
This was just too funny not to reblog.
(Source: stormyend)
(Source: pleatedjeans)
A dramatic Shakespearean response to every situation
- When something bad happens:True is it that we have seen better days.
- When something REALLY bad happens:O woe! O woeful, woeful, woeful day! Most lamentable day. Most woeful day That ever, ever I did yet behold! O day, O day, O day! O hateful day! Never was seen so black a day as this.O woeful day! O woeful day!
- When people say that something is wrong because the Bible says so:The Devil can cite scripture for his purpose.
- When my girlfriend abandons me for food:FRAILTY, THY NAME IS WOMAN!
- When someone doesn't thank me for holding the door open for them:BLOW, BLOW, BLOW, THOU WINTER WIND! THOU ART NOT SO UNKIND AS MAN'S INGRATITUDE!
- When I burn something while cooking:MY CAKE IS DOUGH!
- When human stupidity frustrates me:LORD, WHAT FOOLS THESE MORTALS BE!
- When someone says I'm going to hell for my sins:NYMPH, IN THY ORISONS BE ALL MY SINS REMEMBER'D.
- When I'm broke:My pride fell with my fortunes
- When someone turns the light on after a period of darkness and blinding light ensues:OH, SHE DOTH TEACH THE TORCHES TO BURN BRIGHT!
- When someone disagrees with me:THERE ARE MORE THINGS IN HEAVEN AND EARTH, HORATIO, THEN ARE DREAMT OF IN YOUR PHILOSOPHY.
- When I argue with my girlfriend:The course of true love never did run smooth.
- When I'm embarrassed:MUST I HOLD A CANDLE TO MY SHAMES?!
- Someone says "Good Night":Good Night, Good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.
(Source: saminal)
View Larger If this were the case, Napoleon would probably still be making his advances into Europe.
Ahahahaha, the commentary. *applause*
View Larger “Pizza Pi Cutter”
Puns are my favorite. I love them almost as much as I love pizza and pi(e).
Take the car to take back Earth.
EGo: ME3 IS DELIVERED. WHY AM I NOT AT HOME?
Me: Time to quit your job. Eh? Eh?
EGo: Well, I have been thinking about it.
Me: Disregard responsibility. Acquire Mass Effect 3.
Me: …Would anyone even notice if you left?
EGo: Well, my father might. Since we drive in together. And he would wonder where his car went.
(Source: tastefullyoffensive)
